What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.