Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.