I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass