Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city