she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
