This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways