this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
