Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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