i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
