Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
