Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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