i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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