Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
