Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
