I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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