i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize