woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
