Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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