My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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