boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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