just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
