I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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