dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
