There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
