Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
