Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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