i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
there is puke in my bra ... again
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
