I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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