Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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