hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The feeling are messing with the penis
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize