dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
