R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
