She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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