so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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