New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
