What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
