Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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