Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
