Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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