Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
