i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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