R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
