Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
