I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
