i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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