She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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