I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
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i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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