Your face is a jimmy john
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
