i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
