Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
