I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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