You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
