What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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