Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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