her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
