I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
