I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
