I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
