She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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