She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
