so that wasnt chicken after all
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize