i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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