Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
