I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
