I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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