well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
