haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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