I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
