You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
