Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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