Swine flu. Run for my life!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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