Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
