TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
