someone threw a dead crab at me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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