i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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