Define "chronic" masturbator.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
