is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
