Rock
Scissors
Fuck
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
