Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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