just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
