just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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