there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
