i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
