I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
