She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
