I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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