So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
