I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we made out on top of his cat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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