Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she told me i tasted like america
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
