I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
