You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
