I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
